At our wit's end

I don't know how you moms do it. You know who I'm talking about - you who have colicky children. What was your natural hair color after your children got past the colicky age? And do you have a magic cream that has made the bags under your eyes disappear?

Emma doesn't have colic, per se, but she's been screaming with gas pain all day, every day since last Wednesday. It's absolutely heartbreaking. You may be tempted to blow it off as oh, crying baby, she'll be fine...and I know she will be...but she SCREAMS in pain. Her knuckles turn white, she scratches the sheets and pillowcase with her fingers, pulls her knees up in agony...it's just terrible. She loses her breath because she's crying so hard, and she just swallows more air, which creates more gas. Mylicon's got nothing on this little girl.

Emma's been eating very thick formula (which is hard to burp through) since Friday morning, and it's gone well so far. It takes a lot longer to feed her, of course, because she's sucking grits through a bottle basically, but she doesn't get mad about it. The rest of us would be throwing that bottle across the room. Have you ever gotten a milkshake, and they only give you a straw, no spoon, with which to eat it? We've all sucked our faces inside out trying to get thick milkshake through a straw, and we're asking this poor baby to do something similar.

Emma's been through so much. I know she doesn't remember specifically what she's dealt with, but her life hasn't been easy. Honestly, our family is very frustrated that we've been praying for God's mercy on her...and about the time we started praying that prayer, she began having crippling gas pain. Where is His mercy?! And this may be very boastful of me, but I'll say it anyway: I had reached a point where I could ask God for mercy...ambiguously...trusting that His will, whatever it is, would be ok with me...I wasn't asking for specific acts or changes, just mercy in whatever His plan was. I trusted Him. And that can be very hard sometimes! So now, we're even worse off after telling Him that I trust Him and to have mercy on our daughter. I will never understand why our daughter is experiencing such crippling gas pain - something completely unrelated to the reason we're in the hospital. We're going to keep on with our wait-and-see routine to make sure Emma can eat from the bottle ok. It was a little over a week ago that she didn't do so well eating from a bottle again, so maybe this go-round will be better.

Thank you to all of you who have commented on the blog, signed the guestbook, sent us cards, brought us meals, sent text messages, called us, and visited us in the hospital. We are so blessed to be loved by so many. God bless you all.